the Orphan Crushing Machine Act¶

Democrats: We are pleased to announce the Stop the Orphan Crushing Machine Act of 2022!

Republicans: The Stop the Orphan Crushing Machine Act will destroy America!

Bernie: Can we make this bill actually stop the orphan crushing machine?

Every Democrat and Republican: No! Proposed amendment: Pay $200/per orphan to stop them from being crushed.

Yeas: 1 Nays: 99

Final bill: Require the federal government to lease 62 million acres of land to the orphan crushing industry each year.

Yeas: 50 Nays: 50

VP Harris votes in favor and the bill passes. Republicans: Joe Biden has singlehandedly ended western civilization.

Democrats: This is a tremendous step forward for our great nation in the fight against orphans being crushed!

Orphan Crushing Incorporated: 🥳🥳🥳